I clutched my suitcase tightly. Everything I owned was in my hands. It felt strange being on my own. Before, I always had my parents with me, or my sisters, or my uncle, but now... no one was there to hold my hand as I stepped into my future. Literally.
Five years ago, I couldn't wait for this moment. Now? I was terrified. I didn't want to be sixteen. It felt like I was too young to leave my family. To leave the world I knew.
Everyone knows that on your sixteenth birthday you step into the portal. No one knows what happens to you afterwards. No one ever remembers. You just were to bring your few belongings with you, say goodbye to your family, and then... walk off into your future without knowing what you will face.
A lady wearing a tight skirt and a frilly blouse smiled at me as she walked out of the building and gently grabbed my arm, leading me inside the building towards the portal. She was talking to me, but I didn't hear her. I was too scared, too sad to listen to anyone just then.
The building was more like an empty barn at the edge of town lit with those boxy, white lights that flicker like a candle in the wind. I blinked my eyes to adjust to the darkness. Then I saw the portal.
It wasn't what I had imagined it to look like - all colorful and swirly. It was sort of like an arched door with a grey wall behind it. It looked odd. But it was my future.
A man was also there. His jaw was clean-shaven and he wore a black suit as if he was going to someone's funeral. My funeral. I blinked back tears.
Nonsense, Ellyana. You're not dying. Just leaving, I told myself.
Then, taking a deep breath and jutting my chin upwards, I closed my eyes and stepped into the portal.
I wrote two, but lost my first. This one's completely different. I like it better, though. v.v Ten minutes. ;)
Woah, Bree! 0_0 You paint the tone of the scene so very well! At first, I imagined she'd be going off to boarding school or something. But then, the portals. And the mystery! At first my mind jumped to practical questions. If everyone on their 16th birthday went through the portals, did they end up somewhere back in the world? Did Ellyana's parents travel the portals when they were 16? How did they end up where they were raising a family? Or do the portals lead to other worlds, which likewise have portals which come to this world, and the worlds trade their population at age 16? Orrrr....? I set aside my thoughts and continued reading the story. Which is when I noticed the tone you painted so well. Contrasted with 5 years ago, her present state of sorrow. Even the similes she begins in her mind turn into gloomy thoughts. And her fear, the fear which even prevents her from hearing the words of the oddly frill-clad lady. That moment, as she's leading her by the arm, talking... but her voice is on mute. In the mind's eye of the reader there is the girl, her heart pounding slowly and loudly with her thoughts and fear on the surface, while in slow motion we can see the lady pulling her along, speaking but muted. Drowned out by Ellyana's internal emotions. And then the tantalizing ending!!! Oh yes, it would be such fun to step through the portal with her and see what she would find on the other side. x)
ReplyDeleteLost it? D= So tragic! But I'm very glad you wrote this one, and you lost the one you like least. x)
Aww, you're so kind. ='D I love it when you soapbox my freewrites. It makes me so happy. ^_^ I'm glad you enjoyed it. And, yes, at first I was curious as to where it would lead, too, but when I had the idea of stepping through portals... I just couldn't resist. x)
ReplyDeleteIndeed. D= Haha, me too.
- Bree
Yay!! x) That makes me very contentish. =D
ReplyDeleteSometimes it's so good not to resist these things! =D