Ripples spread across the surface of the lake, drawing
nearer as she watched from the shore. The boat slowly neared the shore,
carrying what few survivors were left from the battle. Her eyes darted
frantically from face to face, hoping to catch a glimpse of her beloved. She
knew she couldn't hope to see every face on the boat, but dearly hoped he would
be on the deck. He was not. She ran to the dock as fast as she could, heart
beating quick with fear. The sailors grimly secured the galleon, a few limping
along the boat, a few of the healthier men swinging down and tying it to the
dock. They lowered the plank and slowly, one by one, the warriors descended.
Many were barely standing, and a few were even being carried by their fellows
on stretchers- some as they let out strained breaths and grimaced in pain, and
others as they lie still and cold, finally having accepted death’s embrace.
She ran to the commander, his arm a stump and a bandage
covering his stomach. “Your… Your men… Is… Did Hedikan… Is he here? Where is
he?”
The man looked at her sorrowfully. “Young lady… He… Hedikan
was an honorable man. Braver than most of us, and a formidable soldier to be
sure.” He looked down. “But out of the four hundred that I left with… only
seventy three have returned. We meant only to put down the savages that
inhabited our home, and start readying the land for our return…” He clenched a
fist. “But… One of our own… On the path to battle…” he looked at the floor,
teeth grit together in rage. “Our forward scouts… Only one of them did I have
doubts about… And he was the one who betrayed us.” He looked up at her, eyes
wide with fear unlike any she had seen before. “He looked human. He was one of
us. But when that… That thing,
appeared on his hand, that wound… He was no longer like one of us mortals.
Hedikan was the first to attack him.”
“No…” she said quietly, taking a step back. “No… It can’t be…”
“He died bravely. We never even saw the savages. We only
glimpsed our land. The scout killed over three hundred men before we could
escape. And that only because of the wound Hedikan inflicted before he died.”
“I…” She broke down and sobbed. “That… What demon would…”
“Aye… A demon indeed.”
The commander said grimly before limping off. “What demon indeed...”
(Thinking of making this part of a flashback in my book :P)
Wow! What a well-crafted glimpse into this world. It's so easy to see the wooden dock, to hear the lapping of cold waters and the quiet groans of wounded and weary soldiers. The whole sense of this place, these people, this moment... is eery. So very eery. Almost like it visually makes me picture the scene as the dead of night, with but a few torches to bring pale light to a world of shadows and mournful mists. And I love how you begin the freewrite - not with the soldiers out in battle, not even with the soldiers returning home after their failed battle, but with a young woman... it really keeps it all in perspective. Reminds us who these men are fighting for, what it's all really about. There's an entire community here. The characters of Hedikan's beloved and the commander are so well done... she seems to gentle, yet so courageous. It's almost like her grief is all the more keen because it was treachery which brought her man down. Treachery. And the commander is so... not quite what you'd expect. Not the stoic type who seems almost heartless in their grimness... but like a real human being. Like a chosen leader. Like one that people choose to follow, one who is followed out of love, not fear. I mean, not that that has anything to do with the freewrite, that just seems like the kind of man he'd be. I love how he is bearing up under the defeat, giving comfort to grieving young widow (or would-be bride)... yet he himself is forlorn. Not excessively, just... open, free in his sorrow.
ReplyDeleteAnd the actual event himself! Hedikan... ah. x) Just... it makes one sorry to have never gotten to meet him. And we know just who he was fighting for, when he faced the demon. And we know that so many more would be suffering now if he had not. And what exactly this "demon" is... a tantalizing mystery. And I love how it was the one who the commander was suspicious of! Makes one respect him all the more.
Looking forward to reading your novel someday! ;D
Thanks! :D
ReplyDeleteMhhmm! ^_^
ReplyDelete